Is Just Me...

"Is just me"...

This is something I've found myself saying to an awful lot of people in very varied situations recently...

The most frequent though, has been to someone I'm very close to (or think so) at the moment...

He keeps saying he likes me very much the way I am, that I shouldn't change anything about me, that I'm a very special person to know, that he feels priveliged to have met me...

Sounds very familiar actually...

Have heard this from a number of guys during the course of the last 2 years, and it always comes when they want to end the relationship...

Why do I think this most recent one is going to end?

Because he's been saying similar, if not verbatum, to the afore mentioned, quite often of late...

Ah well, is just them...

Puss The Puma...

hehe...

Finally did it then people...

And what's the silly, blonde bitch on about now?

Bought me a Puma, that's what:)

I actually got it a month ago but the strange happenings in my day to day life have rather spoilt the moment...

Not to worry though, I'm getting round to it now;)

She's a sexy lil' red bitch and drives like one too, just like me:)

I got up on a Monday morning, and like most things in my life, decided there and then that I was going to get me a new car...

I already knew what car I wanted cos I've lusted after a Puma for quite sometime now.

Not that I'm into cars really, far from it, but there's something very sexy about the little things...

So, on-line goes me and 30 minutes later I'd had a real good search on what was on offer locally for the right price...I didn't want to pay too much but also didnt want one that was too old, too much on the clock or red...lol...

My ideal would be black, under 3 years old, less than 45,000 on the clock and preferably a 1.7...Can't have everything though and, deep down, I 'spose I know I'm suited to red cars...Well, she's red, a 1.6, 45,000 on the clock, and was exactly 3 years old the day I bought her:)

Had a good deal and the whole experience was relatively painfree (appart from some moronic finance company that insisted someone owed them money on my Ka, which I was trading-in...All turned out just to be an admin error of course)...

Didn't take me and my daughter long to name her either...She's a red Puma, so we've named her 'Puss', cos she purrs and growls:)

Should hear her growling at an obscene speed down a certain motorway late at night;)
...joking, of course;)

Flight Of Fancy?

Life is a strange series of events, choices and happenings forced on us...

Been taking a long, hard look at mine, especially these last few days...

The main reason being that I have been invited to spend some time with someone I'm pretty sure I'm in love with.

There's one small problem however...He's thousands of miles away on a rock in the Atlantic Ocean.

He is such a special person to me in so many ways that his invitation brought me to tears because I miss him so much.

So, I am going to take that chance and look it straight in the face:) What have I got to lose?

Nothing really, except a little of my time. And who knows? May be the best decision I've ever made:)

I'll keep you all upto date with this subject, going to be a bit difficult not to 'cos it's mostly all I'm thinking about at the moment:)

Ho Ho Hmmm...

Well I aint in the Chritmas mood and I 'm not going to bother either.

No point really.

Will be spending Christmas alone for the first time in my life.

Will be very relieved to see the end of this year though and hopefully be in a better mood by New Year's Eve so I can say TTFT!

I have often, during past Christmasses, thought about what it must be like to be spending it alone, and I must admit that I never really came close to imagining the feelings of loneliness and isolation that being alone at this time of year can bring.

To a certain extent I have made the decision to be slightly distant and to take a step back from people.

On the other side though, a lot has been forced on me and my deffence has been to withdraw.

Is a very strange feeling being a spectator during a period where I would normally be 'in there' partying and enjoying the season but also remembering what Christmas is all about...

Thanks to all my real friends who've been there for me through this difficult time, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and lets hope that next year's a great one for everyone;)

Children...

Children are the greatest gift of all...

But they can also be the destruction of us.

They are precious and we should love them and nuture them and we do.

But we also sometimes don't see the monsters they can be until it's too late.

There is a very fine line between being naughty and down right vindictive...

Every so often one of them crosses that line and the repercussions are devastating.

It can start over things as simple as they don't want to go to school , they don't wan to wash and they wont do as they're told...

Mix that with some major family problems such as death and illness and things can quickly spiral out of control.

The simple thing you may think is for the parent to ask for help from the relevant organisations, but this is not so easy to get.

Add to the mix again a parent suffering with severe depression and anxiety and what you get is beyond your worst nightmare.

The parent is struggling through it all hoping that when certain things are sorted other things will calm down. Struggling alone to salvage what they can of their lives and sanity.

The child doesn't see this and continues with the destructive behaviour even though she is being told that things will get better soon but that she must do as she's told or it just makes things harder for the parent.

The child refuses to go to school and adds to the stress of the parent because this illegal.

The child begins to use more and more aggressive behaviour, but wont accept that this is wrong either.

The parent stops functioning properly and withdraws into herself as a deffence to what's happening and becomes affraid of the child's aggressive behaviour.

At this point it's a very hard up-hill struggle.

But the struggle is worth it because there is hope. A new home, a new start.

But what does the child do when this goal is in sight? She starts being physically abusive to her mother. The mother's fear is heightened by the other stresses and not helped by other family members who just sit back and watch offering only critcism and abuse.

The child discovers that she can gain sympathy from these people by telling little snippets of what's going on. Only little bits though, cos if she told the truth the reaction would be the opposite to sympathy and she knows this.

The result of all this is that the mother's family gain the very wrong picture that the child isn't being cared for properly.

And what do they do? Offer help, support, anything?

NO! They gather together and badly beat the mother the night before she has to move house. Then they do it again twice more over the following few weeks. They damage her property and hurt her so bad that she considers giving up completely because her ungrateful daughter can't see what she has done. She has lied and cheated and caused her mother to be beaten all because she doesn't want to do things she's supposed to do.

And now the mother is alone and broken.

And the daughter has to stay with her father and her granparents who don't want her...

...Update...

...Not posted for sometime for personal reasons but got some recent entries from one of my other journals for you if you want...